Letters to God is a movie I have heard about, but never wanted to watch. It sounded so heart wrenching and sad. I get a little sick to my stomach if I even think of someone having to watch their child suffer through disease. I can't imagine how hard that would be. It is a fear of mine. I don't like even talking about it....
This morning was the first in a loooooong time that I could sleep in. I woke up at 6am and was irritated to be up at my regular time when I didn't have to be. Thankfully I fell back asleep and woke up again at 8:20am to Sheratyn and Daphnee writing me a note that they were up, but I wasn't. It was cute. So I got up and fed my puppy and got my coffee and just felt so happy to not have to rush off anywhere. By the time I headed into the living room, the girls were all in front of the TV watching a movie and wanted me to sit and watch with them. It was Letters to God. Ohh I did not want to be sad, but with Sheedyn begging for me to cuddle with her, I could not resist. I secretly thought I would sit for awhile and then go busy myself with house chores....but I didn't get up until the movie was over. This movie was a blessing. It was a beautiful story of hope. I don't want to give it away, so I'm not going into details, but I wanted to share my emotions and conclusions I came to. Although the movie made my heart literally hurt (it's a true story)- it also was such an amazing and happy story that it also brought me joy at the same time, especially watching it with the girls. There was a part in the story where Tyler's mom Maddie was so overwhelmed with pain over her life's hurts and her child's sickness, that she was crying out in anger towards God. Daphnee commented on this part, how the woman was not trusting in God and how she was saying things about God that aren't true. And I was able to share with the girls in yet another way how so often in this life our feelings are overwhelming. And the anger we feel often results in our lashing out at God because we don't like what he has allowed. But even though Maddie wasn't in the prime of her faith at that moment, it was a GOOD thing for her to express her anger and sadness and hopelessness to God in those moments. She was honest and real with God whose plan she did not understand in that moment. All the girls were able to see that her FEELINGS, although legitimate, were not the TRUTH. God DID have a beautiful and amazing plan. He loved Tyler more than even she did! The pain Maddie felt was real and awful, but God is bigger than our pain and not only has a plan for our lives on earth, however short they may be, and an even bigger plan for us with Him for eternity in heaven. If you haven't seen this movie, please watch it. I loved all of it and watching it with the girls was a treasure. Sheedyn kept looking at me so sweetly and kept saying, "You're crying Lor Lor!" I kept telling her, "I know.....I'm so sad AND so happy right now." But mostly happy and full of gratitude knowing that the pain and suffering of this world is only temporary and that it is all a part of a greater plan that we can't even begin to imagine. I also felt an awe in watching the way God worked through sickness and pain to bring love, peace, healing, and faith to many many people. It was simply precious.
I'm so thankful for a God who has a bigger plan than I could imagine and all the "bad" things in life are actually part of a GOOD plan.
Romans 8:28 "God works all things together for the good of those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose"
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Just some of my "stuff"
Who doesn't want to be happy? Nobody. Who is searching for how to be happy? Everybody. Who has the answers. Jesus does. "I am the way, the truth, and the life"
However, it is our choice. Daily.
Did you know that it is each adult person's own responsibility to choose to nurture their own physical, emotional, spiritual, intellectual and psychological needs? Nurturing these 5 human needs involves deciding who/what you will choose to surround yourself with, when and why you will do the things you do, and how will you change aspects of your life in order to make sure that these needs are met. Wowzers!!! You mean I can't depend on anyone else to meet my needs? Nope. Taking personal responsibility and meeting these needs results in the content and joyful spirit that I believe that our God meant for us to have; that is actually possible to have here on earth! Bottom line: your spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, parents, friends, pastor, counselor, boss, or co-workers, children, etc, etc cannot make you happy. Temporary feelings of happiness maybe...but remember, feeling happy isn't the same as choosing to live happy.
Consider this: You can CHOOSE to be happy, even when you don't FEEL happy. Um, ya, so I can easily say this, but have I mastered it? No way. I wish. I continue to let my feelings and emotions rule my actions and conclusions about myself much of the time......however, I have learned that they don't have to. That is a huge relief to me. Because......so much of my conclusions about myself have been made as a result of things that are out of my control, and as a result of how other people have chosen to treat me. And I have learned that those things out of my control are NOT what give me worth or make me who I am. I am who I am because of who God is and because of who HE specifically made me to be. My ultimate purpose is to glorify our God and LIVE my life loved by Him and to share that love with others. Sounds simple. But dang it, it's not! SIN messes everything up and is so entangled in our lives, that we will never experience the life God planned for us until we are with Him in eternity. All we can do is choose to get to know a God that loves us that much and allow Him to work through our human nature while we are here on earth. Our lives will never be perfect here. We will never be perfect here....but the more we get to know Him, the more we understand how loved we are by Him, the happier we will be in this life.
So back to our human needs. Why do we have human needs? Well, I know that I don't know that answer. God made us the way He made us. But I do know that they are there, whether I like it or not. And I do know that when I don't pay attention to them, bad stuff happens. I get sad, depressed, anxious, bummed, angry, hopeless, blah, blah blah...any of the emotions that we feel that are negative can be a result of not paying attention to nurturing our needs. Soooooooo, I wanted to share something. This is something that has helped me. When I feel this bad "stuff" going on.....I can ask myself, which of these 5 needs am I not paying attention to? And guess what, there's always at least one that I can pinpoint at any particular time that I need to re-think. Once I re-think, I have the first choice. Will I examine what I am not paying attention to? If I choose yes, I always see where I am "off" in my self talk/thinking/actions. Then I have the second choice. Will I make my decision about the thinking/situation according to what God says about it, or how I FEEL at the moment. And I wanted to share that EVERY TIME I CHOOSE TO SEEK GOD'S WISDOM, I feel peace and the positive feelings come....even if the "bad" situation doesn't change. When I choose to seek it, I find God's hope in every situation. Never have I not found it. It's almost bizarre. It's so freeing. So why doesn't everyone do this nurturing/examining thing? Because it's not easy and it doesn't come natural to us. AND we have been so engrained to BELIEVE what others (society) tells us, and that is usually opposite of God's word. So sad.
This may sound like a bunch of mumbo jumbo to you. To me, it makes sense and it gives me hope. I choose to blog it in order to get it out of my head.....and just in case it maybe makes some sort of sense to someone else and makes them think. Taking personal responsibility is so foreign these days. Everyone does everything because of someone else. Ugh. I fall into that trap all of the time! I feel sad because someone made me sad. I feel mad because someone said something mean about me. I feel stupid because I didn't know something I should have known. I feel (enter your own feeling that you CHOOSE to act upon or make conclusions upon). We all do it. We all need to deal with it.
You know what really helped me to realize my need to figure out what happiness looks like and where it comes from? Being a parent. So many children are enabled to blame everything on someone else. YES, many things affect our children. Many sad and negative things. However, I choose to teach my children about who they are in Christ and that they DO have choices in life....choices beyond their FEELINGS!! I teach this to my children because I want them to be happy and I want them to live their lives knowing they are LOVED. And knowing they have the choice.
This blogging is a way that I intellectually nurture myself. If you choose to read it, just know this is my "stuff" I'm sharing. MY struggles, MY choices, MY decisions result in MY happiness or lack there of <3 It never will be my intention to get my "stuff" all over someone else. And choose to not let other people's "stuff" get all over you. It is life a breath of fresh air when I choose to do this daily.
Happy Thursday!
However, it is our choice. Daily.
Did you know that it is each adult person's own responsibility to choose to nurture their own physical, emotional, spiritual, intellectual and psychological needs? Nurturing these 5 human needs involves deciding who/what you will choose to surround yourself with, when and why you will do the things you do, and how will you change aspects of your life in order to make sure that these needs are met. Wowzers!!! You mean I can't depend on anyone else to meet my needs? Nope. Taking personal responsibility and meeting these needs results in the content and joyful spirit that I believe that our God meant for us to have; that is actually possible to have here on earth! Bottom line: your spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, parents, friends, pastor, counselor, boss, or co-workers, children, etc, etc cannot make you happy. Temporary feelings of happiness maybe...but remember, feeling happy isn't the same as choosing to live happy.
Consider this: You can CHOOSE to be happy, even when you don't FEEL happy. Um, ya, so I can easily say this, but have I mastered it? No way. I wish. I continue to let my feelings and emotions rule my actions and conclusions about myself much of the time......however, I have learned that they don't have to. That is a huge relief to me. Because......so much of my conclusions about myself have been made as a result of things that are out of my control, and as a result of how other people have chosen to treat me. And I have learned that those things out of my control are NOT what give me worth or make me who I am. I am who I am because of who God is and because of who HE specifically made me to be. My ultimate purpose is to glorify our God and LIVE my life loved by Him and to share that love with others. Sounds simple. But dang it, it's not! SIN messes everything up and is so entangled in our lives, that we will never experience the life God planned for us until we are with Him in eternity. All we can do is choose to get to know a God that loves us that much and allow Him to work through our human nature while we are here on earth. Our lives will never be perfect here. We will never be perfect here....but the more we get to know Him, the more we understand how loved we are by Him, the happier we will be in this life.
So back to our human needs. Why do we have human needs? Well, I know that I don't know that answer. God made us the way He made us. But I do know that they are there, whether I like it or not. And I do know that when I don't pay attention to them, bad stuff happens. I get sad, depressed, anxious, bummed, angry, hopeless, blah, blah blah...any of the emotions that we feel that are negative can be a result of not paying attention to nurturing our needs. Soooooooo, I wanted to share something. This is something that has helped me. When I feel this bad "stuff" going on.....I can ask myself, which of these 5 needs am I not paying attention to? And guess what, there's always at least one that I can pinpoint at any particular time that I need to re-think. Once I re-think, I have the first choice. Will I examine what I am not paying attention to? If I choose yes, I always see where I am "off" in my self talk/thinking/actions. Then I have the second choice. Will I make my decision about the thinking/situation according to what God says about it, or how I FEEL at the moment. And I wanted to share that EVERY TIME I CHOOSE TO SEEK GOD'S WISDOM, I feel peace and the positive feelings come....even if the "bad" situation doesn't change. When I choose to seek it, I find God's hope in every situation. Never have I not found it. It's almost bizarre. It's so freeing. So why doesn't everyone do this nurturing/examining thing? Because it's not easy and it doesn't come natural to us. AND we have been so engrained to BELIEVE what others (society) tells us, and that is usually opposite of God's word. So sad.
This may sound like a bunch of mumbo jumbo to you. To me, it makes sense and it gives me hope. I choose to blog it in order to get it out of my head.....and just in case it maybe makes some sort of sense to someone else and makes them think. Taking personal responsibility is so foreign these days. Everyone does everything because of someone else. Ugh. I fall into that trap all of the time! I feel sad because someone made me sad. I feel mad because someone said something mean about me. I feel stupid because I didn't know something I should have known. I feel (enter your own feeling that you CHOOSE to act upon or make conclusions upon). We all do it. We all need to deal with it.
You know what really helped me to realize my need to figure out what happiness looks like and where it comes from? Being a parent. So many children are enabled to blame everything on someone else. YES, many things affect our children. Many sad and negative things. However, I choose to teach my children about who they are in Christ and that they DO have choices in life....choices beyond their FEELINGS!! I teach this to my children because I want them to be happy and I want them to live their lives knowing they are LOVED. And knowing they have the choice.
This blogging is a way that I intellectually nurture myself. If you choose to read it, just know this is my "stuff" I'm sharing. MY struggles, MY choices, MY decisions result in MY happiness or lack there of <3 It never will be my intention to get my "stuff" all over someone else. And choose to not let other people's "stuff" get all over you. It is life a breath of fresh air when I choose to do this daily.
Happy Thursday!
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Easter Sunday & growing things
Today was a beautiful day. We went to church and reflected on the fact that Jesus loves us all THAT much. It's mind boggling. During singing I saw the cutest couple holding hands. They were probably in their 80's. They made me smile. I went and told them that they were the cutest couple at church. I think the husband may have blushed. They were darling and I wish that I could have sat and chatted with them. I bet they have a ton of wisdom to share. I'm going to look for them again next Sunday.
After church we went over to our friends the DeBoer's for their annual Easter party. I met Anneke at the gym in one of my classes. We quickly became friends and she is such a sweet blessing to be around. Anneke is a bright and optomistic soul. She is always encouraging and uplifting. I am thankful for her friendship. Her husband is Willem, a perfect match to Anneke, and just as sweet and fun to be around. Their kids Little Willem and Anneleise have become quick friends to our kids. They play and play and play just like I remember doing as a kid. Anneke and Willem have such a beautiful and inviting home. They are the ultimate hosts....so giving and relaxing to be around. Their home is such a blessing and a fantastic set up for gathering family and friends. I met all of Anneke and Willem's family members. Everyone was just the sweetest. It was such a blessing to chat with such wonderfully kind and accepting people. The kids had a blast swimming and hunting Easter eggs. As usual, they didn't want to leave. I have a feeling that we will be relaxing around the pool again this summer quite a bit.
We came home and Shawn finished planting our new Redwood trees in the backyard. There are six of them. Beautiful. We also planted an orange tree. Shawn laid a stone walkway to the dog kennel on the side of the house and it looks fantastic. I planted some "sacrificial" flowers next to the walkway to see if Jax will destroy them. We have a long long way to go, but our backyard is finally looking more inviting. I'm so thankful that we have been able to at least do a little bit at a time on home improvements. My next task is painting inside...
I am enjoying gardening in my front yard. I have a flower bed that is finally filling in after two years of working on it. It is VERY beginner-ish, however, I am proud of it. I also recently planted a potted herb garden: two kinds of mint and basil, thyme, cilantro, and lavender. I'm super excited about using those herbs. I love to see things grow. It is a very beautiful and encouraging thing to me. Especially when plants flourish and then seem to die, and then come back again the next year. It makes me hopeful in times when I feel like I am not flourishing.....like I still have time left to come back and bloom again. Lately that's how I have been feeling; as if I am preparing to hopefully bloom again but I just need the water and nutrients to make it possible. I've just been having trouble with consistently soaking up those nutrients and believing that God will make something out of them. Thank goodness it's not all up to me. Thank you Lord for being in charge. Use me and make me bloom how you see fit. I know your plan is perfect, even though most often your plan is not my plan.
That's all for now.
Goodnight Moon.
After church we went over to our friends the DeBoer's for their annual Easter party. I met Anneke at the gym in one of my classes. We quickly became friends and she is such a sweet blessing to be around. Anneke is a bright and optomistic soul. She is always encouraging and uplifting. I am thankful for her friendship. Her husband is Willem, a perfect match to Anneke, and just as sweet and fun to be around. Their kids Little Willem and Anneleise have become quick friends to our kids. They play and play and play just like I remember doing as a kid. Anneke and Willem have such a beautiful and inviting home. They are the ultimate hosts....so giving and relaxing to be around. Their home is such a blessing and a fantastic set up for gathering family and friends. I met all of Anneke and Willem's family members. Everyone was just the sweetest. It was such a blessing to chat with such wonderfully kind and accepting people. The kids had a blast swimming and hunting Easter eggs. As usual, they didn't want to leave. I have a feeling that we will be relaxing around the pool again this summer quite a bit.
We came home and Shawn finished planting our new Redwood trees in the backyard. There are six of them. Beautiful. We also planted an orange tree. Shawn laid a stone walkway to the dog kennel on the side of the house and it looks fantastic. I planted some "sacrificial" flowers next to the walkway to see if Jax will destroy them. We have a long long way to go, but our backyard is finally looking more inviting. I'm so thankful that we have been able to at least do a little bit at a time on home improvements. My next task is painting inside...
I am enjoying gardening in my front yard. I have a flower bed that is finally filling in after two years of working on it. It is VERY beginner-ish, however, I am proud of it. I also recently planted a potted herb garden: two kinds of mint and basil, thyme, cilantro, and lavender. I'm super excited about using those herbs. I love to see things grow. It is a very beautiful and encouraging thing to me. Especially when plants flourish and then seem to die, and then come back again the next year. It makes me hopeful in times when I feel like I am not flourishing.....like I still have time left to come back and bloom again. Lately that's how I have been feeling; as if I am preparing to hopefully bloom again but I just need the water and nutrients to make it possible. I've just been having trouble with consistently soaking up those nutrients and believing that God will make something out of them. Thank goodness it's not all up to me. Thank you Lord for being in charge. Use me and make me bloom how you see fit. I know your plan is perfect, even though most often your plan is not my plan.
That's all for now.
Goodnight Moon.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Mother Teresa
"You and I, we are the Church, no? We have to share with our people. Suffering today is because people are hoarding, not giving, not sharing.
Jesus made it very clear. Whatever you do to the least of my brethren, you do it to me.
Give a glass of water, you give it to me. Receive a little
child, you receive me."
~Mother Teresa
If I could meet any person that has ever lived on this earth, it would be Mother Teresa. Just reading her words that she spoke moves and convicts my heart in a way that no other person ever has. Mother Teresa was a human, mortal just like me. She was not perfect. But reading about her sure seems like she was. I don't know many people in this world who even strive to live out their faith in the ways that Mother Teresa did. I know I don't. But God is not finished with me yet.
Words from Mother Teresa that have spoken to my heart <3
"If you can't feed a hundred people, then just feed one."
"Keep the joy of loving God in your heart and share this joy with all you meet especially your family. Be holy – let us pray."
"I once picked up a woman from a garbage dump and she was burning with fever; she was in her last days and her only lament was: ‘My son did this to me.’ I begged her: You must forgive your son. In a moment of madness, when he was not himself, he did a thing he regrets. Be a mother to him, forgive him. It took me a long time to make her say: ‘I forgive my son.’ Just before she died in my arms, she was able to say that with a real forgiveness. She was not concerned that she was dying. The breaking of the heart was that her son did not want her. This is something you and I can understand."
"When once a chairman of a multinational company came to see me, to offer me a property in Bombay, he first asked: ‘Mother, how do you manage your budget?" I asked him who had sent him here. He replied: ‘I felt an urge inside me.’ I said: other people like you come to see me and say the same. It was clear God sent you, Mr. A, as He sends Mr. X, Mrs. Y, Miss Z, and they provide the material means we need for our work. The grace of God is what moved you. You are my budget. God sees to our needs, as Jesus promised. I accepted the property he gave and named it Asha Dan (Gift of Hope).
"Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin."
"Like Jesus we belong to the world living not for ourselves but for others. The joy of the Lord is our strength."
"There is only one God and He is God to all; therefore it is important that everyone is seen as equal before God. I’ve always said we should help a Hindu become a better Hindu, a Muslim become a better Muslim, a Catholic become a better Catholic. We believe our work should be our example to people. We have among us 475 souls - 30 families are Catholics and the rest are all Hindus, Muslims, Sikhs—all different religions. But they all come to our prayers."
"There are so many religions and each one has its different ways of following God. I follow Christ:
Jesus is my God,
Jesus is my Spouse,
Jesus is my Life,
Jesus is my only Love,
Jesus is my All in All;
Jesus is my Everything."
"Make us worthy, Lord, to serve those people throughout the world who live and die in poverty and hunger. Give them through our hands, this day, their daily bread, and by our understanding love, give them peace and joy.
I heard the call to give up all and follow Christ into the slums to serve Him among the poorest of the poor. It was an order.
I was to leave the convent and help the poor while living among them."
"When a poor person dies of hunger, it has not happened because God did not take care of him or her.
It has happened because neither you nor I wanted to give that person what he or she needed."
"Everybody today seems to be in such a terrible rush, anxious for greater developments and greater riches and so on, so that children have very little time for their parents. Parents have very little time for each other, and in the home begins the disruption of peace of the world."
"If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive."
Jesus made it very clear. Whatever you do to the least of my brethren, you do it to me.
Give a glass of water, you give it to me. Receive a little
child, you receive me."
~Mother Teresa
If I could meet any person that has ever lived on this earth, it would be Mother Teresa. Just reading her words that she spoke moves and convicts my heart in a way that no other person ever has. Mother Teresa was a human, mortal just like me. She was not perfect. But reading about her sure seems like she was. I don't know many people in this world who even strive to live out their faith in the ways that Mother Teresa did. I know I don't. But God is not finished with me yet.
Words from Mother Teresa that have spoken to my heart <3
"If you can't feed a hundred people, then just feed one."
"Keep the joy of loving God in your heart and share this joy with all you meet especially your family. Be holy – let us pray."
"I once picked up a woman from a garbage dump and she was burning with fever; she was in her last days and her only lament was: ‘My son did this to me.’ I begged her: You must forgive your son. In a moment of madness, when he was not himself, he did a thing he regrets. Be a mother to him, forgive him. It took me a long time to make her say: ‘I forgive my son.’ Just before she died in my arms, she was able to say that with a real forgiveness. She was not concerned that she was dying. The breaking of the heart was that her son did not want her. This is something you and I can understand."
"When once a chairman of a multinational company came to see me, to offer me a property in Bombay, he first asked: ‘Mother, how do you manage your budget?" I asked him who had sent him here. He replied: ‘I felt an urge inside me.’ I said: other people like you come to see me and say the same. It was clear God sent you, Mr. A, as He sends Mr. X, Mrs. Y, Miss Z, and they provide the material means we need for our work. The grace of God is what moved you. You are my budget. God sees to our needs, as Jesus promised. I accepted the property he gave and named it Asha Dan (Gift of Hope).
"Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin."
"Like Jesus we belong to the world living not for ourselves but for others. The joy of the Lord is our strength."
"There is only one God and He is God to all; therefore it is important that everyone is seen as equal before God. I’ve always said we should help a Hindu become a better Hindu, a Muslim become a better Muslim, a Catholic become a better Catholic. We believe our work should be our example to people. We have among us 475 souls - 30 families are Catholics and the rest are all Hindus, Muslims, Sikhs—all different religions. But they all come to our prayers."
"There are so many religions and each one has its different ways of following God. I follow Christ:
Jesus is my God,
Jesus is my Spouse,
Jesus is my Life,
Jesus is my only Love,
Jesus is my All in All;
Jesus is my Everything."
"Make us worthy, Lord, to serve those people throughout the world who live and die in poverty and hunger. Give them through our hands, this day, their daily bread, and by our understanding love, give them peace and joy.
I heard the call to give up all and follow Christ into the slums to serve Him among the poorest of the poor. It was an order.
I was to leave the convent and help the poor while living among them."
"When a poor person dies of hunger, it has not happened because God did not take care of him or her.
It has happened because neither you nor I wanted to give that person what he or she needed."
"Everybody today seems to be in such a terrible rush, anxious for greater developments and greater riches and so on, so that children have very little time for their parents. Parents have very little time for each other, and in the home begins the disruption of peace of the world."
"If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive."
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Easter Picnic & four kids
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| Cardoza Family Easter 2011 |
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| MiMi, PaPa & Grandkids |
Today was nice. We celebrated Easter with my side of the family. All of us, my parents, my sis, Rusty, and Ashley (TJ had to work). It was simple and fun. We had a picnic at Woodward park. We also had a photo shoot, several egg hunts, made bird's nests from cupcakes, and played on the play structure. The kids all had a blast and that is so fun to watch. After we left the picnic, we headed back to Becca and TJ's and hung out for a few hours. We watched the movie "Tangled" and relaxed. Bec and I also looked at all of the cute pictures that she took today at the park. I love her new camera. It takes amazing photos and we enjoyed capturing the growing kid's and all of the fun they had.
Rusty is back to his normal cutie patootie self. He looked great. Healthy, happy, calm, and easy going. I enjoyed watching him play with my dad. Rusty laughed and laughed at Papa as he tried to feed Papa some of his animal crackers. Rusty loved Papa's pen (you that know him- Dad always has a pen in his shirt pocket). It reminded me of when Ty was a baby and playing with Papa. Baby Rusty reminds me of Baby Ty. I miss Baby Ty.
My niece Ashley is hilarious. She is absolutely adorable. I have had so many people say that she looks like she could be my daughter. I really love that. She has my beaver teeth smile from when I was little, my blondie hair, blue eyes, crazy toes, and bossy/independent attitude. I love her many expressions and phrases. She is like a little streak of sunshine running around trying to eat up every little bit of life she can grasp. I also love that she loves Ty. I think she has a little girl crush on him. She seems to idolize him. And he is very sweet to her and enjoys being the big cousin. Today she walked up to him and said, "I love you Ty". He got embarrassed. It was super cute. Instead of saying I love you too Ashley, he just said, "Thank you". Ty thinks girls are pretty yucky right now. In fact, he loves his Mommy's hugs and kisses.....but NOT in front of other people besides his family. Sigh. But deep down I know I am still his very favorite person. Lately whenever I tell him I love him, he likes to say, "I love you even more!"
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| Sister put this together for me |
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| MiMi is creative with her Easter Egg surprises |
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| Bird's nest cupcakes |
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| My little boy is growing up sooooo fast! |
Boy is Miss Sheratyn growing up. She wore one of my tank tops today. It's fun, but scary that she is getting to the age that we can share! She will be 12 on Tuesday. She is such a fun and sweet girl. She is a breathtaking mix of beautiful and adorable, goofy, giving, fair, silly, fun, and very much my little sidekick lately. I love it. She cannot wait until Tuesday because she will finally be old enough to have a gym membership and come to the gym with me. This year for the kid's birthdays they got to have one friend over for birthday dinner and cake. Sheratyn said that she would rather go to the gym with me to my boxing class that night instead. That made my heart swell. She is so excited. She probably doesn't realize that I am even more excited that she is, simply knowing that she wants to spend this time with me.
Daphnee is such a little Mommy-girl to her cousins. I love how she likes to take care of them. Today she immediately went to Ashley to take her to play on the playground. She is attentive and sweet. She is a darling girl. Delicate, but competitive and firey. I love that. She is super sensitive. I can relate to her in a lot of ways because I too can be very sensitive. I like that we have that connection. Being a blended family has been such a blessing, but is not without challenges. Daphnee has indeed struggled the most with confused emotions. Even though having a step=mother hasn't always been easy for her, the heart-to-heart conversations that we have had and the understanding that I feel for her is priceless. Through the challenges, her and I have been able to connect in ways that have been very beneficial for her, and for me. God is in this relationship, molding it into something beautiful.
Fiesty little Sheedyn. This girl makes me laugh and act goofy along with her. She is so intelligent, witty, stubborn, and strong. She reminds me of a little pixie fairy. She and Ty together just make my heart so full. They are adorable. They are the best of buddies. They don't let a whole lot of people in on that secret. It's almost like they have an understanding. But at home....it's precious. I pray that their sibling relationship will continue to be so special to them both throughout the rest of their lives. Sheedyn is dependable, consistent, and so helpful. She has a style of personality that is uniquely her. I love it.
I love these children. I thank God for allowing me to care for them daily. All the driving to and from school, the HOMEWORK HEADACHE's, the fighting about everything that siblings fight about, all the tiring stuff.....is all that I will miss in a few short years. I am cherishing this time. I believe that God has allowed me the time, responsibility, and blessing of shepherding these children and their fragile hearts. Only with Him can I hold them well. On my own, I constantly fail. Thank you Jesus for picking me up and holding my hand every step of the way.
I'm getting sleepy. Just a few comments about Jax: Oh how I love that he is so content just sitting with me. He is such a sweetie. The last two nights he cried/howled all night long (no joke). But tonight, so far (fingers crossed), he is quiet. We tried having him outside in his big crate for nighttime. Not good. He wants to be close to his "pack". About an hour and a half ago I moved him into a smaller crate into our room and he has been locked inside fast asleep ever since. Not a peep. So far. We'll see how the night goes on.
Shutting off for now. I promised a sweet girl I would go lay by her for awhile <3
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Tippy Toes & Jax
So, as I tip toe into this blog world, I feel the need to ease myself in as quietly as possible. There are, oh, about a hundred things that I would like to share right now. Topics from love, life, intentions, mean and insecure people, acceptance, empathy, my fears, my blessings, lessons learned, and struggles I am having RIGHT NOW.....but non of those seem "quiet", so I think that I will start with something easy and simple and non-threatening.
JAX
Jax is my new puppy. He comes home this Thursday (He will be 7 weeks old). I picked him out when he was four days old. He is a darling black and white Siberian Husky. My friend Vickie owns his Mommy & Daddy. When I found out she had another litter of puppies, I immediately wanted one. However, I told myself NO WAY!! I don't want the responsibility of having another dog (we have two itty bitty Chihuahuas- they are Shawn's....) AND I do not like animal hair all over me! But then, Shawn called me that very next day from work and told me to go to VIckie's and pick out my early Mother's Day present.....a puppy. He knows I like Siberian Huskies and have wanted one. At first I said no, then he told me "It will be our Cardoza Baby....and I want you to have another running partner". I grew up with two wonderful running sidekicks. First Caleb, a Black Lab/Queensland mix and then Marine, a Black Lab/Shepard mix that I found when I was actually out on a run. I enjoyed them so much. They were the greatest; my companion, comfort, protector, and quiet encourager. I have missed not having my running dog. Siberian Huskies LOVE to run. They are sled dogs by nature and they NEED to run. So we have a lot in common. I am excited to have Jax as my companion. I am excited to train him and take care of him. I am motherly by nature and the thought of being able to mother a new baby (even if it is just a puppy) is exciting to me.
The kids are of course thrilled to have a new puppy coming home. All four kids love animals. Jax will be smothered with love and no doubt quickly become a part of our family. We are ready and prepared for him. The kids all have specific jobs in taking care of our animals...and are excited to take care of Jax and help to train him also. Mimi and Papa are also excited to have a GrandPup. For those of you that know my family well, you know that my parents are the ultimate animal lovers. They even gave baby Jax a new kennel bed and a huge new comfy doggy bed. This baby boy is already spoiled.
I am realistic about puppies. Jax will drive me crazy at times and take lots of training. But I am ready and willing. I do not go into any situation without first assessing the risks and weighing the consequences. We are ready. And excited to love baby Jax.
JAX
Jax is my new puppy. He comes home this Thursday (He will be 7 weeks old). I picked him out when he was four days old. He is a darling black and white Siberian Husky. My friend Vickie owns his Mommy & Daddy. When I found out she had another litter of puppies, I immediately wanted one. However, I told myself NO WAY!! I don't want the responsibility of having another dog (we have two itty bitty Chihuahuas- they are Shawn's....) AND I do not like animal hair all over me! But then, Shawn called me that very next day from work and told me to go to VIckie's and pick out my early Mother's Day present.....a puppy. He knows I like Siberian Huskies and have wanted one. At first I said no, then he told me "It will be our Cardoza Baby....and I want you to have another running partner". I grew up with two wonderful running sidekicks. First Caleb, a Black Lab/Queensland mix and then Marine, a Black Lab/Shepard mix that I found when I was actually out on a run. I enjoyed them so much. They were the greatest; my companion, comfort, protector, and quiet encourager. I have missed not having my running dog. Siberian Huskies LOVE to run. They are sled dogs by nature and they NEED to run. So we have a lot in common. I am excited to have Jax as my companion. I am excited to train him and take care of him. I am motherly by nature and the thought of being able to mother a new baby (even if it is just a puppy) is exciting to me.
The kids are of course thrilled to have a new puppy coming home. All four kids love animals. Jax will be smothered with love and no doubt quickly become a part of our family. We are ready and prepared for him. The kids all have specific jobs in taking care of our animals...and are excited to take care of Jax and help to train him also. Mimi and Papa are also excited to have a GrandPup. For those of you that know my family well, you know that my parents are the ultimate animal lovers. They even gave baby Jax a new kennel bed and a huge new comfy doggy bed. This baby boy is already spoiled.
I am realistic about puppies. Jax will drive me crazy at times and take lots of training. But I am ready and willing. I do not go into any situation without first assessing the risks and weighing the consequences. We are ready. And excited to love baby Jax.
Monday, April 11, 2011
To blog or not to blog....
So I told Shawn just the other day that I would never have a blog. Blogging intimidates me. I don't really think I will be that good at it. I worry that I will tick someone off by something that I post. I am one that wears my heart on my sleeve (hence my blog name).....so blogging feels a little risky and scary to me.
Today I received a message from a sweet sweet high school friend named Carla. She basically told me that I should blog! She explained what a wonderful creative release it is for her and that made sense to me. I need that. I have so much thought, emotion, and passion that wants to explode out of my heart most of the time.....so perhaps a blog may be just the avenue to express all of that "stuff".
Once my mind passed the point of "if" I decided to blog, to "how" will I blog.....I started my worrying about upsetting other people by what I say. Then I thought to myself, "Nobody HAS to read my blog! This is for ME, not THEM....right?!?!" But that is not completely accurate. I DO believe that I have things of value to share with others, and those things may be posted on my blog....however, it will be THEIR choice to read my blog. I am comfortable with that.
I am plain. I am simple. I am not fancy, but I can be complicated. I suppose that my blog will be similar to my personality. I have always enjoyed putting words together. I am thinking that this blog may be somewhat therapeutical for my active heart/mind that rarely quiets down. So consider this a fair warning. A disclaimer. You may find my blog interesting, boring, silly, emotional, debatable, convicting, depressing, or encouraging. But ultimately, this blog is just for me to vent, organize, sort, and express what is going on in my heart. Nothing more, nothing less. I have no hidden agendas.
Today I received a message from a sweet sweet high school friend named Carla. She basically told me that I should blog! She explained what a wonderful creative release it is for her and that made sense to me. I need that. I have so much thought, emotion, and passion that wants to explode out of my heart most of the time.....so perhaps a blog may be just the avenue to express all of that "stuff".
Once my mind passed the point of "if" I decided to blog, to "how" will I blog.....I started my worrying about upsetting other people by what I say. Then I thought to myself, "Nobody HAS to read my blog! This is for ME, not THEM....right?!?!" But that is not completely accurate. I DO believe that I have things of value to share with others, and those things may be posted on my blog....however, it will be THEIR choice to read my blog. I am comfortable with that.
I am plain. I am simple. I am not fancy, but I can be complicated. I suppose that my blog will be similar to my personality. I have always enjoyed putting words together. I am thinking that this blog may be somewhat therapeutical for my active heart/mind that rarely quiets down. So consider this a fair warning. A disclaimer. You may find my blog interesting, boring, silly, emotional, debatable, convicting, depressing, or encouraging. But ultimately, this blog is just for me to vent, organize, sort, and express what is going on in my heart. Nothing more, nothing less. I have no hidden agendas.
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